Tuesday, January 17, 2017

To The Monster I Wasn't Once, This is for You.

Listen here and here,

Once upon a time I've decided to confide to a soul.
"This is the one" my Guardians said - and for certain period I thought I was the happiest.
Fate said I have to go, so I've decided to leave a part of me, knowing that he will guard it.
Off I went, with heart full of hope and trust in my baggage.

Once upon a time, my ship went through a stormy night, and I couldn't stop wondering about the other part of me.
I confide in him, therefor I had nothing to worry about, right?
I know he will keep it safe, after all I confide in him.
So I went inside of my deck and calmed my crew.

Once upon a time, after so many stormy nights, my crew has gotten weary.
'Stay with me' I said, holding the other part of me dearly inside my palm.
Every scholar has to go through so many exams, I thought to myself, all I needed to do is to be strong enough to pass one after another - I am tired, I am broken, I am dust and bones.
After all he was waiting for me, and I had to go back home, to him, to us.

Once upon a time, I stopped sailing the sea and the exams were over.
Water was never my home, but for once, our city feels foreign for me.
I could smell secrecy lingering around, but betrayal seems like a myth.
After all, I trust you, the very person I hold dear to me - there's no way you would hurt me, would you?

Once upon a time, in his territory, nothing reeks of him; it feels different and distant - were you even the same person I thought I knew?
They say dreams are the way the Universe speaks to us, and in my dream I stumbled next to a case 'To Be Disposed' written on top of it.
Curious, I opened it, and much to my surprise found the part I once confided in him.
For a split second my heart sunk, and I thought 'So this is what betrayal feels like'.

Once upon a time, it finally clicked in my head.
All the pain and sufferings, must've been done because I carry the burden of two.
All the tears and failures happened because someone decided to pull away from the string, and just like science has thought us well, the force threw the other who was holding on to it.
Just like all the emptiness and lack of connection must've happened because someone decided to shut the power off.

Once upon a time, deep inside my safe haven, the Guardians were taking notes, listing down his betrayal.
In my silence I was screaming, through my tears, my heart bled.
I didn't know which pain was more unforgivable;
The fact that you're denying me as part of you, consciously threw me off the cliff,
Or the fact that you watched me suffer and rot, yet choose to hide inside your fear; for your own 'safety',  for your own selfishness -  knowing you're the cause of it,



Once upon a time, there he was, struggling to make a solidity out of it.
You know what's funny about revelation? The information was never new.
A revelation would only happen once one has been enlightened, allowing a shift of new perspective.
He refused to acknowledge the beginning of this destruction - because you know you've caused it.
Instead, he shifted the focus, blaming me, raging on the bricks and wooden chunks that cut him - you forget this all the aftermath of what you've created?


Once upon a time they say my soul is older than him, but my dearest All Seeing One, please hear me for once & for all.
I am not here to be taken for granted, to carry the blame for getting hurt, and especially, not to be guarded by a betrayer.
Remember what they always say about disguise? It's always a self reflection.
I know forgiveness doesn't have an expiration dates, but what if the one who shall forgive has been stripped down from her home, her safe haven, her trust - and her very own ability to forgive?

Once upon a time, there I was, consumed by pain of betrayal, of lies, and deceives.
There he was, watching me patching up all the rotten bits being moulded into the monster that I am - least I was trying to survive.
A murmur came out from my lips, so soft it disguised itself as a whisper,
"Do you think we're worth saving?"
And then the sky turns grey, the water turns black, and the castle fell apart.

2 comments:

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