Monday, December 18, 2017

Loyal Companions

I have been asked quite a lot through my page on what I put on my face on daily basis.
The thing is, I am not sure if I actually have a routine since it all depends on what time do I wake up and my schedule of the day.
It's been over a year since I previously made it - so here's an updated one.

Disclaimer: I am using variety of items,  from drugstore to high-end brand, from Asian to European. I tried to link each product to sites/e-commerce for your further information in case they peak your interest.

Started with setting off my alarms, crouching underneath my blanket, and yawning countless time before I walk to my sink.
When I am not using Avene Cleanance, I wash my face with Hada Labo AHA + BHA - Tamagohada.
I use it once or twice a week and it contains combination of AHA & BHA - basically acids that will chemically exfoliate your dead skin. Since I couldn't find this in Paris so I stock up whenever I go back to Jakarta.

On colder months when my face feels tight after shower, I spray my face with thermal water from La Roche Posay after.

To moisturise, I use Innisfree Green Tea Seed serum.
It's my second bottle and this serum lasts you forever, at least over 7 months with daily consistent use per bottle in my measurement of what forever feels like.
I walk around my room and dance a bit to my Spotify playlist before putting Nivea Sensitive Post Shave Balm as a primer. Yes - a men's aftershave, surprise, surprise.

It's been all over the internet hype and now I get why. This stuff works great on sensitive skin which I have and doesn't dry me out either. My only concern that it comes with a bottle with no transmitter, so I tend to pour more than what I needed. Considering the price, it's still extremely affordable, but coming up with a pump would make my morning easier.

When I go for a night out and I know I'll be taking lots of photos I'll wear my Make Up Forever HD Foundation - but other than that, I have been devoted to Bourjouis Healthy Mix Foundation.
The consistency is very light and it's semi matte, but the coverage is amazing.
I have been using since it 2015 and this is my 3rd - or 4th bottle. That says a lot about how much I love them.
My shade is 52 Vanilla, but during summer when my skin gets a little darker, I mix it with a bit of 53 Light Beige/54 Beige.
After, I put on some Couleur Vegetale Blush from Yves Rocher in shade Rose Capucine.

Those two are pretty much it.

Recently I'm trying to hit pan with Sleek's Au Naturel palette that I have owned for quite a while (hence how battered it looks). I just mix the colors depending on what look I am going for the day, usually it's subtle smokey eyes will do.
Sometimes I put 2 of the lightest colours - Nougat & Taupe, on the highest points of my face as highlighter.

Then I use Marc Jacobs Beatuy's Highliner in shade 42 Blacquer.
The colour pay off is incredible & it glides so, so smoothly. It's also retractable so there's no need to carry extra sharpener.
Keep my words on this one, this product will be huge one day.
Quality? Check. Efficiency? Double check.

I like my eyebrows looking like normal human eyebrows - drawn looking eyebrows irks me and personally it look scary. Young Brooke Shields is my eyebrow heroine.
I would just comb my eyebrow with Etude's Brow Mascara in Rich Brown - et voila, that's it.

And yes, no mascara on daily basis cause taking them off is not my favourite thing to do.

My inner self told me that being faithful is important in life - but not when it comes to lip products.
I've heard so many people (read: mostly romantic interests) asking 
'Why do girls have to have so many lipsticks when they only have one lips?' - and the rest of the conversation would be me explaining that you cannot put different lip products (lip balm, lip gloss, or anything with lip plastered onto it) into one department and call them 'LIPSTICK'.

Or, when I feel sassy I would ask:
'Why do you have to have so many games when you only have one PS4?'

I know, I know, my logic is flawed here, but most of the time it works and victory is mine.

Moving on, I have tried (and own) way too many lip balms but always gravitate back towards NUXE Reve de Miel. I like almost everything from NUXE and this is actually my second pot.
Now you can see a pattern here, just like my foundation, if I genuinely like something, I'll stick with it because I am just a creature of habit.
But, if you find it excessive to spend that much on a pot of lip balm, you might wanna try Nivea Lip Butter.
I own every flavour except the non-scented one, they smell like dessert & work wonders too - with fraction of the price.

I have naturally pink/peach-ish lips, so when people thought I was using peachy-nude lipstick, it's basically just lip balm. If I want a flush of colour, I use lip tints. Any is fine but mostly I stick with Korean brands on this department.

For a night out, or when I am feeling like dolling myself up, I skip lip tint and go balls to the walls with wine hued colours.
I am never a big fan of overly matte lipstick trend and I am guessing that my fear of seeing cracked dry lips goes hand in hand with my addiction towards lip balm, so this Giorgio Armani's Lipstick in shade Attitude (601) is perfect. Other favourite is Mineral Botanica Lip Cream in Merlot which was a gift from my friend.

My two current lip products prove that price doesn't determine everything.
It's all about preference and how they perform, doesn't matter if it's 35€ or 3.5€ lip colour.
If they're good, they just are.

Final touch up:
Voila, done!
End of the long reviews/daily routine/rambling!

To finish it off, I seal the deal with Vichy Dermablend Loose Setting Powder.
I get why a lot of people (and makeup artists) swear by it, it contains SPF 30 and locks your makeup in place.

And after that, before rushing out to the door, I'd spray Jazz Club by Maison Martin Margiela's Replica series. It's my current favourite, a perfect winter perfume. It does actually replicate the smell of a jazz club - minus the cigarette stench. Although marketed as a male fragrance, both me & the sales associate at Colette agree that it could easily pass by as unisex perfume with its rum & vanilla undertone.

Friday, April 28, 2017

The Boat That Rocked

It was in the depth of night.
The wind was angry, the sky was pitch black, the water was dancing furiously beneath our boat.
You were gripping so hard onto me as I hugged you.
"Am I too close? Am I making you hard to breathe?" you asked.
Adjusting my breath inside of your embrace I smiled "It's okay. It's warm near you, I am fine"
Smiling, I looked at you from the corner of my eye.
My silly guy, who are you fooling? 
Are you clinging onto me to protect me - or to feel protected yourself?
But of course I don't say a word, a win-win situation for us.
You got to be clingy and I got to see how adorable you can be at times.
I was happy, your warmth was enough.

It was in the depth of night.
The wind was angry, the sky was pitch black, the water was dancing furiously beneath our boat.
"The boat is shaking! The boat is shaking!" you yelled, waking me up.
"Of course it is. It has been like this these past few nights. It's normal."
"Yes but it is shaking! The Gods hate us! Look! The situation is unfavourable! We'll sink! We'll sink!" you were shaking me hard, shaking the boat even harder.
You threw tantrum, our utensils were scattered around, hurting you, hurting me.
I tried hard to stabilise our small boat.
Its got all the necessity, not grand, but enough for us to survive till we find the land.
Least we've got ourselves a boat, unlike those who jumped to the unknown, not being able to find their maps.
Oh talking about maps...
"Honey, it's normal like this. The ride is a bit shaky in this area, you know it. We had no way but to choose this path, remember? You accidentally throw the rest of the maps..wasn't really an accident, but hey, we're here, okay"
It really is not the time to dwell and be angry about the remaining maps isn't it.
But we chose this path because of you, least I need you to be calm. It would help.
"But it is scary here. The weather is terrible. The boat is shaking..." as you started to calm down after quite some time.
"It's okay. We'll get there soon. We have this map, okay? Now please help me by being a good boy, okay?" as I caressed your back trying to cover the pain from your tantrums earlier.
It has been like this for quite a while.
I don't know. Days? Weeks? Oh, months. It's been months.
If he didn't throw all the maps, we wouldn't be here.
But hey, being here is better than nowhere, at least I've got him, at least we have somewhere to go too.

It was in the depth of night.
The wind was angry, the sky was pitch black, the water was dancing furiously beneath our boat.
"Look at where we are! We're sinking now! It's your fault! It's your fault we are here! We're sinking!"
Exhausted and hurt, I told you "Look, it wasn't me who destroy the maps, okay. We have no other choice. Besides, we're not sinking, this area is pretty tough...the wind.."
"We do! You brought us here. I opted out! I don't wanna be here! I opted out! I wanna go out!" you became hysterical.
"You destroy the maps. You couldn't control your anger. Now what? You're scared. The whole situation scares you - and you're not the only one, me too, I am scared too. But it's okay since we've got each other, yeah? Now stay still and be calm, okay? It's just the weather, okay? I am not going to blame you for the maps, but we're here because of you, so...stay calm, okay?"
Tired. Tired. Tired.
It wasn't me who deviate the paths.
It wasn't me who destroyed the maps.
But with you being like this, I've got no option but to be the bigger person.

Tired. Tired. Tired,
Of you putting the blame on me. Of you never appreciate everything I've done for you.
But if I do what you're doing right now, it won't do us any good.
I question you a lot, have you lost your mind out of fear?
I question myself a lot, have I been too naive thinking that you would never mean to hurt me?

Have you - I mean, lied to me about all of those? 
Promised land? Future? Safety?
No, no, you wouldn't lie to me about this. You're paranoid. 
You're scared and irrational, but you never meant to hurt me. 

"No! No! No! You can't stabilise this boat! You brought me into this area! You! Get out! Get out I've said" you began raging.
"But it wasn't me who brought us here. This situation, you've caused all of this. I forgave you, okay. I forgave you all along, so be calm, stay still...okay?"
"No! No! No! I don't remember saying that! Why are we here? WHY ARE WE HERE?"

Shocked, startled, saddened.
It was you who choose to jump into this boat with me.
It was you who proposed these routes of safety.
It was you who asked me to trust in you - and I did, despite what the authority and bureaucracy said, I did, and I took that curve on your lips, that glisten on your eyes, the exchange of conversation and ideas we had as a sign of entrustment. I trusted my heart in you.

As you came closer to me, ready to throw me off the boat, I asked
"Throwing me won't change a thing. You throw all the maps. We're here, it won't change a thing. Get back to your senses..okay? It won't change a thing, the weather, nothing."
"No! Get out! Get out! Get away from me!"

The wind was still angry, the sky was still pitch black, the water was dancing furiously around me.
And as the night swallow me whole, I've realised
It wasn't the lie that hurts - it was the fact that I am not worthy of your promises.
It wasn't the betrayal that hurts - it was me foolishly believing in the kindness that I thought I saw in you.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

My heart is redder than my cereal bowl and it's beating perfectly fine, thank you.

I devoured a bowl filled with chocolate puffs all drenched with almond milk.
It's 8 in the morning and I am in the corner of my bed, eating cereal and thinking of you.

In the last 5 years I've moved 7 times.
I tend to leave my cutlery and cooking utensils behind because they're more often cheaper brand new than assembling all that I had, put it in a box, and pays for movement fees.
I somehow don't think pans and woks perform as good as the first time I got it after a while.
Could be some scratches and rough edges that made me cringe, or maybe it's the excitement, an excuse for myself to cook in brand new utensils.

Either way, since I have been living alone, I don't need that many cutlery and utensils.
Always got myself brand new ones everytime I moved.
I changed the brand (depending on which city or country I lived, obviously), the size, the colour, but one thing I always get myself is a red bowl to eat my cereal with.
Any other things could be in any colour, but I always have a red bowl on my list.

Just like today, I am watching tiny chocolate puffs floating on off-white substance in a red bowl.
Red used to only be my colour preference when it comes to cereal bowl.
A weird, precise quirk, I know.
But nowadays, red made me think of you from time to time.


"Why red? Isn't green your favourite colour?" I asked as you slipped your feet in your well-worn Converse. My ex used to have a red Converse too, his ex gave it to him 2 weeks after he started seeing me, just a mere belated birthday present, she said. So seeing the same (but again, dustier and more well worn) shoes on your feet peaked my interest, and besides, if green is your favourite colour, why red?

"Oh this? This is green."

"Those are red." I started to think that you were making fun of me.

"This is green." you insisted, busy tying your left shoes.

"Are you colour blind? Because, boy, I was an art student. My eyes are great, there's no way I could've missed the colour spectrum." I started to get a little worked out. My deadlines has started to creeped on me, I guess.

" fact, yes. Partially. I's hard to explain" then you started to went about a story of how your family had an argument because each and everyone saw a pair of sandals as different colours, making the other taking the wrong pair and whatnot.

"Wait, so when I am putting a red lipstick - which I have been doing lately, oxblood red, to be precise" I can see the confusion in your eyes "so what do you see? Do I look ridiculous? Grey lips? Green? Brown? What?" and even at this time I made it about my makeup, great I really dislike myself when I am overworked and tired.

"It's kind of hard to explain. It's a bit of hit and miss. There are times I could get a colour right. It's green, and it is. It's red, and right off the bet, it is red. But majority of the times it all gets confusing and mixed up"

I guess it depends on the spectrum and the colour mix, I guess now I know what kind of green I'd get you if I were about to buy you gifts.

"But green, isn't it your favourite colour?" I asked again. I mean come on, isn't it sad thinking that you're wearing your favourite colour only to know later on that it's the total opposite of the colour wheel?
It's as if you've deceived yourself, making a fool out of yourself......and of course I said that in my head.

"Yes! I like green. It's my favourite colour. Don't ask me why, I just love it. I know I am partially colour blind...uh, yeah but I just know I like greens. The colour, not the veggies."

I sighed as I caressed his face.
This kid.
So carefree and silly. Yet he said he'd protect me? Physically yes, he is indeed stronger in comparison to my frail body.
Other than that I'd easily beat him up in every aspect.
So silly.
So carefree and silly.

"...but now I have you, no? I don't know why I never think about this with my exes, funny enough I am never bothered to double check which colour I saw..." I can see you were enjoying me petting you for a while, you started to close your eyes "But now I have you, so you'd be my guide, telling me which colour is which!"


Silly little guy, claiming he'd protect me from all the harm in this world.
Telling me he'd guide my through stages, but little did he know, fast forward some times later, colour is not the only thing he'd look up for me in life - and I guess that's okay.

Isn't that's what love is? Protecting one another?
And for me, that's more than okay.

Swooned by love letters and sweet professes of how thankful he is to have me later on in life, far after the red shoes incident, my silly little guy.
Silly little thing, stealing my silly little heart.

I guess every time I look at my cereal bowl I will think of you, and that's okay too.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

To The Monster I Wasn't Once, This is for You.

Listen here and here,

Once upon a time I've decided to confide to a soul.
"This is the one" my Guardians said - and for certain period I thought I was the happiest.
Fate said I have to go, so I've decided to leave a part of me, knowing that he will guard it.
Off I went, with heart full of hope and trust in my baggage.

Once upon a time, my ship went through a stormy night, and I couldn't stop wondering about the other part of me.
I confide in him, therefor I had nothing to worry about, right?
I know he will keep it safe, after all I confide in him.
So I went inside of my deck and calmed my crew.

Once upon a time, after so many stormy nights, my crew has gotten weary.
'Stay with me' I said, holding the other part of me dearly inside my palm.
Every scholar has to go through so many exams, I thought to myself, all I needed to do is to be strong enough to pass one after another - I am tired, I am broken, I am dust and bones.
After all he was waiting for me, and I had to go back home, to him, to us.

Once upon a time, I stopped sailing the sea and the exams were over.
Water was never my home, but for once, our city feels foreign for me.
I could smell secrecy lingering around, but betrayal seems like a myth.
After all, I trust you, the very person I hold dear to me - there's no way you would hurt me, would you?

Once upon a time, in his territory, nothing reeks of him; it feels different and distant - were you even the same person I thought I knew?
They say dreams are the way the Universe speaks to us, and in my dream I stumbled next to a case 'To Be Disposed' written on top of it.
Curious, I opened it, and much to my surprise found the part I once confided in him.
For a split second my heart sunk, and I thought 'So this is what betrayal feels like'.

Once upon a time, it finally clicked in my head.
All the pain and sufferings, must've been done because I carry the burden of two.
All the tears and failures happened because someone decided to pull away from the string, and just like science has thought us well, the force threw the other who was holding on to it.
Just like all the emptiness and lack of connection must've happened because someone decided to shut the power off.

Once upon a time, deep inside my safe haven, the Guardians were taking notes, listing down his betrayal.
In my silence I was screaming, through my tears, my heart bled.
I didn't know which pain was more unforgivable;
The fact that you're denying me as part of you, consciously threw me off the cliff,
Or the fact that you watched me suffer and rot, yet choose to hide inside your fear; for your own 'safety',  for your own selfishness -  knowing you're the cause of it,

Once upon a time, there he was, struggling to make a solidity out of it.
You know what's funny about revelation? The information was never new.
A revelation would only happen once one has been enlightened, allowing a shift of new perspective.
He refused to acknowledge the beginning of this destruction - because you know you've caused it.
Instead, he shifted the focus, blaming me, raging on the bricks and wooden chunks that cut him - you forget this all the aftermath of what you've created?

Once upon a time they say my soul is older than him, but my dearest All Seeing One, please hear me for once & for all.
I am not here to be taken for granted, to carry the blame for getting hurt, and especially, not to be guarded by a betrayer.
Remember what they always say about disguise? It's always a self reflection.
I know forgiveness doesn't have an expiration dates, but what if the one who shall forgive has been stripped down from her home, her safe haven, her trust - and her very own ability to forgive?

Once upon a time, there I was, consumed by pain of betrayal, of lies, and deceives.
There he was, watching me patching up all the rotten bits being moulded into the monster that I am - least I was trying to survive.
A murmur came out from my lips, so soft it disguised itself as a whisper,
"Do you think we're worth saving?"
And then the sky turns grey, the water turns black, and the castle fell apart.