Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Archived: An Informal Essay on My Sagittarian Lover

Mood:



"Do you love me?" I asked, leaning closer.
"Unfortunately, yes"  you muttered.

I look closely into your closed lids and the lashes that latched on it.
Watching your chest going up and down,
your lips locked, and your wavy hair covered half of your face.
I am, utterly, desperately,
in love with you too.

-

I once had a Sagittarian lover.

He never made me doubt his feelings, no matter how much I've asked
"Hey, do you love me? Do you? 
Do youuuuuuu?" pressing my cheeks onto his shoulder while he was helping my workload.

He takes his steaks medium raw, without veggies, and refuses to eat any fruit nor drinks any juice after his meal.
The only fruits he'd eat would be kiwis, and lemon - dipped & drowned inside his cup of iced tea - with less ice.

He is full of pride - I've been with a Gemini whose pride and ego would surpass anyone I've known, so dealing with his was fairly easy.
Without me having to ask he'd put me on top of his pride and ego, and that worth more than any pots of gold combined.

He acts like a cocky little prick.
He'd swoon dozens of girls with words and gesture, yet stuttered and stumbled to find his way back to me saying
"I was desperate after you've pushed me away over and over. 
Tried to replace you with others. 
Tried to get rid of you from my mind. 
But in the end it made me more miserable than ever."


He's a well calculated guys, yet after weeks of contemplation, my drunk text made him book his ticket, flew him thousand miles away just to see me.
Said that seeing me worth his time and effort.
Said that his logic doesn't work when it comes to me - and I love him for that.

He labelled me his "Ice Queen".
Without his persistence, we'd only be strangers - or acquaintances at most,
missing out on our chances, our journeys of truth and revelations.

He woke me up from my emotional hibernation.
Bravely knocked down my walls and pushed out every other contenders to be with me.
Assembled my broken pieces, letting them pierced him while he was doing so.
My Sagittarian lover is beyond my comprehension, and I couldn't love him enough for that.

He'd assure me that I can cry and be miserable,
for that he knows and believes that I am a tough woman, someone who can handle my paths well.
He assured me that it was okay for me to be fragile,
He assured me that he accepts me for who I am, what I have, and what I was lacking of.


My Sagittarian lover, around people, is warm - yet distant.
Soft at heart, a thinker of its own kind.
He wouldn't share, he rarely tells.
His heart is a garden that blossoms on rare occasion.
His heart is a maze, fenced with high brick walls and wild plants.

He showed me a glance of his world, of something I've never seen before,
of knowledge I was never aware I'd be in touch with.
He opened himself up and waited patiently for me to slowly crawl from my shell.

He always makes me feel the most beautiful.
Jokingly say I look like the most delicious glazed donut with my highlighter and bronzer.
That for him it's unreal I still look gorgeous even with no make up,
eyes all puffed and my hair messy.

When he said I look pretty wearing just my turtle neck & jeans, his gazes would prove he actually was telling the truth.
When I'm putting my burgundy nail polish, or my dark lipstick, he'd notice by saying how grown up and alluring I look.


He adores me for my girl-next-door charm,
and loves me throughout my siren, temptress layers.
I've gotten his knees weak and wobbly
- and his heart, all melted and latched onto mine.

He would candidly take pictures of me,
splattered it with words that would give me toothache - to say the least.
He would come at me with compliments no matter how many times I shoo him off
- saying that's just how I look through his perspective.

And when I thought he'd stop showing how much he loves me,
or how beautiful he thinks I am once we're settling in - he never stopped doing so.
Each and every second, I feel so empowered, so beautiful, so very loved.


"Are you doing this so I feel happy...or?" I asked after he complimented how I look that day.

"No, woman, no. 
You are so beautiful I need to take a moment and reflect on your attractiveness,
sometimes it's unreal you want to be with someone who, well, looks like me."

"You're annoying." as I glance the other way around, hiding my flushed smile.
-
My Sagittarian lover always let me feel in sync with my femininity.
He would remind me the amount of time I take to get ready - yet never complained.
And after, he'd sniff the back of my neck, complimenting whichever perfume I was using that day.

Whether with my hair up, tied top knot, hair down, skirt, loose pants, tank tops, frilly blouse, jacket, light coat,everything I wore, he'd appreciate
- although his knowledge of fashion is equivalent to my knowledge of sport,
which is zero.

He used every ounce of his courage to ask me out - rejection after rejection.
Asked and listened to rambles about my day.
Smiled and stroke his hair everytime I do something he'd find adorable.
He let me strive and be a woman.
He let me have fun and be a girl.
He loves me as a person, he helps me grow as a soul.


My Sagittarian lover wouldn't stop bragging about how attractive,
how intelligent, and yet, how bad my sense of humour is - that God is fair above all.
He wouldn't stop raving about me to the point his friends exposed all of his silly rambles just to embarrass him.
He'd get his cheeks all red and scold them saying "Dude, really, I thought we're homies?"

My Sagittarian lover greeted me with "Hey, do you, by any chance, have a lighter?" in which my ex abruptly cut by offering his very own.
Little did he know, me, the girl he got his eyes on, was just few months out from her previous relationship.

My Sagittarian lover first laid his eyes on me even though I disliked him for stealing my seat on our mutual friend's housewarming party.
He'd steal a glance at me as I stole another one at him.
And the rest, was just a history.


Dear my little cheerub,
your little munchkin misses you so.
But worry not, I'm doing good - and I'll be doing even better and be even happier.

From the Joker to your Harley.
The Morticia to your Gomez.
The Bonnie to your Clyde.